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Pirates of the Equestrian Mane

Written by Pineapple Skitter

Edited by Morkskittar

Chapter 1: Water way to go

        Twilight sighed heavily, collapsing into the archaic ceramic monstrosity that had kept librarians in the village clean for generations. Exotic scents wafted occasionally from a solitary candle she'd set up a corner, while steaming water rose as she descended, pulling the young unicorn into a watery embrace.

        The temperature was scalding at first, but soon any discomfort was washed away with a pleasantly warm numbness, and Twilight felt the hours of pouring over ancient tomes and keeping the library clean dissolve into hot steamy nothingness. Reaching out with her magic, her horn probed the water gently before agitating it into complicated patterns. With both mind and body occupied, she sank into oblivion with a contented smile spreading across her muzzle.

        Bliss.

        "Now t’en, you swear that this ‘ere bat ’ll help my leg?"

        Fluttershy smiled warmly, nodding gently at the agitated southern drawl.

        "Oh, of course! When Angel bunny strained himself helping me round up the small woodland creatures he could barely hop. B-but then I made up a soak for him and he was right as rain soon after. I’m sure it works with ponies too, and I always feel better after a spa trip."

        The yellow pegasus beckoned Applejack into the tub, trying to overcome the workpony’s apprehension at doing something too, as she put it, “fru-fruey” Fluttershy managed to coax a couple more steps before indecision halted the orange pony again.

        "An... ‘an you won' tell anypony abou’ this ‘ere trip?"

        Fluttershy giggled slightly, nodding as the orange earth pony blushed so deeply that she took on the colour of her older brother.

        "’specially Rainbow dash?"

        "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake..."

        Fluttershy swiftly completed the complicated dance that invoked the sacred Pinkie swear, then nodded supportively. Reassured, Applejack walked the last couple of steps to the hot spa’s edge, and gingerly slid herself in.

        “Well I’m in now, bu’ I don’ see wha... ahhhhhHHHHH!”

        Her speech ceased suddenly, interrupted by the ecstasy from the bubbling spa that now surrounded her. There was silence for a while as Applejack enjoyed the new found sensation of pampering, and soon the two filly friends were stretched out fully, aches flying from their bodies as they discussed the recent weather and their friends, and what plans they now that the grand galloping gala was behind them.

        Bliss.

        "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A FOOD FIGHT CUTIE MARK!"

        Rarity breathed heavily, trying not to lose all of her ladylike demure at the sight of cakes, condiments and assorted confection smeared along every surface of her boutique. Even the mannequins hadn’t been spared, wooden eyes  staring timidly from facials of icing and crumbs. The white unicorn’s features twisted and turned, settling on a look half between fury and total shock, although it was softened slightly by the wide-eyed innocence of the three youngsters staring upwards apologetically.

        "We're sorry Rarity."

        The chorus of replies sounded heartfelt, and the white unicorn's expression slowly lost its edge. They were only young fillies after all, and it wasn’t like the damage would be permanent.

        "Well..." she looked around. Although it would be difficult to remove some of the raspberry stains from the ceiling, at least the crusaders had taken down the dresses and cleaned the worst of the gunk from the floors.

        The two unrelated trains of though suddenly found themselves on the same  line, and what little colour there was in her face leached out as they slammed into one another derailing her mind.

        "G-G-Girls? W-W-Where are the dresses I h-had out? You KNOW that they were the ones that Hoity Toity is picking up for tomorrow’s show..."

        Applebloom looked up reproachfully with eyes as big as saucers, gesturing guiltily towards a pile that Rarity had first taken for rags.

        "Well, ya see we gone an’ made an teensy mess and then we saw all the fabric you had on them there horse-doll things and so we thought we could get a cleaning cutie ma...”

        The youngest member of the apple family received a sharp poke in the ribs from Sweetie Bell, and realising her mistake changed course mind sentence.

        “...we thought we should go an’ clean the shop for you! So we used them dresses too...”

        Rarity had already lifted the top rag from the heap, and unfurled it to see the sopping, jam-stained mess that tomorrow would be draped around the flanks of some Canterlot model. She was out the door and halfway down the street towards Ponyville’s only laundrette before the trio of young fillies were aware of what was happening. They bolted out after the fleeing figure.

        "We said we were sorry..."

        The furthest from bliss Rarity had been in a LONG time.

        Rainbow Dash soared through the air, wonderbolt costume hugging her form tightly and bringing her already slight frame to even greater aerodynamic levels. The silky-smooth fabric dropped wind resistance to but a whisper, and allowed her to put on even greater turns of speed than usual. The crowds down below oo’d and ah’d at the wondrous sights, gasping as the pegasus went into a tight corkscrew that twisted the rainbow streaming behind her into a complicated pattern of light.

        “RAINBOW DASH! RAINBOW DASH! RAINBOW DASH!”

        “RAINBOW DASH!” She hollered back, sitting bolt upright in bed and throwing the covers back in jubilation.

        Dash suddenly flushed as deeply as Applejack had, looking around her house to make sure that no pony had been around to see her outburst. Muttering darkly, she settled back into the clouds that formed her bed and drifted back off to the land of Rainbow Dash: Most Awesome wonderbolt in the history of Equestria.

        “Not that I’m less awesome outside my dreams.”

        She added to herself, smiling contentedly as sleep took her again.

        Pinkie Pie leapt high into the air, landing in the muddy puddle with a loud SPLASH, spraying a tsunami of sodden dirt up into the air and watching it rain down on the surrounding pavement, somehow managing to keep herself pristine in the process.

        This situation was quickly rectified by flipping onto her back in a move that made reality wince slightly and then rolling around in the brown water. She was momentarily distracted however as she felt someone invoking her name to keep something secret.

        “Oh Fluttershy, you silly filly. YOU don’t need to Pinkie swear! You could NEVER break even a normal promise!”

        She giggled slightly and once again she was on all fours, again causing causality a rather painful migraine. The pink earth pony shook herself slightly and then began the short trot back to sugarcube corner before she felt a tremor ride through her rear hooves and tail.

        “Hoof wiggle? Tail twitch?”

        Her ears began oscillating up and down, gently slapping her cheeks, while her eyebrows started dancing across her forehead.

        “Ear flap AND eyebrow shuffle? REALLY? Okie dokie!”

        Sighing in resignation turned back to the puddle that was now frothing violently, and after placing the clothes peg she’d been carrying for just such an occasion on her nose, cannonballed into the puddle.

        “Pinkie Pie? What are you...”

        Lyra had opened her door at the sound of splashing, and watched slack jawed as the puddle swallowed up the pink pony whole, who disappeared with a loud splash and yet another giggle.

        Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of Pinkie Pie as she fell through the puddle was “Oh no, not again”. Many ponies have speculated that if we knew exactly why Pinkie Pie had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now[1].

        In a rainbow blur, Dash alighted on the coliseum floor and shook herself. The moisture in the air that hadn’t already slid off her suit flew out around her, with the light diffusing to create a rainbow that surrounded her.

        The crowd went wild, with foals and fillies leaping from the stands and galloping across the clouds towards her.

        “WE LOVE YOU RAINBOW DASH!”

        The newest wonderbolt smiled joyfully, but as the wave of ponyflesh approached the smile flickered and died on her face.

        “There’s no need to come all at once! I’ll be signing autographs at...”

        She was interrupted as the first pony reached her, barrelling into Dash’s flank and pushing her into the closing ring of rabid fans.

        “STAY WITH US!”

        “WE’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!”

        “BE MY WAIFU!”

        For the second time that evening, Rainbow Dash found herself bolt upright in bed, although this time she woke with a scream on her lips rather than her name.

        But the hooves and muzzles still gripped her.

        Looking around in shock she saw that her home was slowly collapsing inwards, tendrils of cloud unravelling and wrapping themselves around her legs and chest.

        “No... no! Let me go!”

        Her cries for assistance when unheard, and soon the house was a ball of dense cloud that eventually collapsed into a ball of water that crashed from the sky to the earth far below. A few damp posters and sodden items of clothing fell with it, but there was no sign of a living creature amongst the remains.

        Galloping down the main street  of Ponyville, Rarity kept her eyes glued to the road in front of her while here horn strained with the effort of keeping the bundle of soggy dresses levitating behind her.

        “Right, ALL I have to do is get to the laundrette’s, get the clothes washed and dried, then fix any stains, then prepare NEW dresses for any that are too far gone, and then maybe sleep and eat? Oh MY... AND I have to restock that lovely purple, although where I’m going to get more of that stuff at this hour I’ve NO idea. Maybe... the regal blue would suffice?”

        Occupied with the infinite number of tasks that needed done and the finite time she had remaining to do them, Rarity didn’t notice the puddle in front of her suddenly rear up like an ocean wave until it came crashing down on top of her, swallowing her and the pile of clothes whole.

        “Ah you SURE it’s mean’ ta do d’at?”

        Fluttershy stared at the swirling spa water. She’d never seen it whirlpool before.

        “N-n-no!”

        She shrieked as she felt the water pool her inwards, and she lost her grip on the slippery tub sides.

        “I’ve got’cha!”

        Applejack bit down on the pegasus’ tail, her back legs struggling to gain purchase on the spa bath’s sides.

        There was another sudden jerk from the vortex of water, and she felt her hooves slide along the smooth edge.

        “Horseapples” she whimpered through a mouthful of tail, and she felt the two of them being dragged downwards.

        “AAAAAAAAARRRRGHHH!”

        Twilight’s reverie was broken as the hot, pleasantly scented bathwater was replaced with an icy void, and as she snorted the water around her the unicorn tasted the acrid tang of brine. Panicking she flailed wildly for the sides of the library’s bathtub, but was shocked to realise that it wasn’t there.

        With no clue of what was going on, she managed to concentrate enough to raise herself up above the icy water.

        Her jaw dropped.

        She saw Fluttershy, Dash and Applejack bobbing up and down in waves of frothing green and blue, trying desperatly to get a line of sight to the nearest piece of land. Nearby Rarity appeared to be clinging desperately to a heave of white fabric, while Pinkie Pie appeared to be, well...

        Twilight shook her head in disbelief, suspecting that that sight of the pink earth pony aboard a small ramshackle raft of wooden jetsam was just some salt-water induced mirage.

        At this thought she could have sworn that Pinkie shouted something about “it’s flotsam”, but it was probably just her imagination.

        “Right all I have to do is get everpony to that raft and then...”

        The light in her horn fizzled out, and she fell exhausted into the briny depths below.

        “Tw-Tw-Twilight?”

        Twilight shivered and pulled herself upright. She appeared to now be on the raft, and by the looks of exhaustion on the other ponies faces they were likely responsible for getting her and themselves onto the small raft.

        “Ar-ar-are you okay?”

        The unicorn nodded at the worried looking yellow pegasus, and attempted to pull herself upright, but her legs felt numb from cold and she ended up collapsing backwards into an ungainly heap.

        Groaning, she looked up at Fluttershy again, and felt a terrible guilt for the look of fear on her face.

        “Fluttershy, don’t worry, I’m just a bit co...”

        “Tw-tw-twilight? Behind yo-yo-you. Sh-sh-sh...”

        Well, I hoped you enjoyed my first attempt at a submission-worthy piece! If you have any constructive criticisms, comments or just praise (especially praise!) then please drop me an email at PineappleSkitter [at] Gmail [dot] com. I’d like to take a moment to thank the wonderful author-pony (whose books can be found at http://zmwilmot.com/books/ at rather reasonable prices) who lent me a helping hoof! If it wasn’t for him I would be missing periods... and other grammar/spelling things.

[1] Okay, so I may have copy/pasted that last paragraph from a certain book, but I’m sure all is forgiven... right? Perhaps I can placate you with a terrible brilliant joke? No? Well, tough. Q: What happens when two fillies love each other very much? A: They get mare-ied. BAZINGA!

Pirates of the Equestrian Mane

Written by Pineapple Skitter

Edited by Morkskittar

Chapter 2: All hands on Deck

        Seeing nothing behind her, Twilight turned back to Fluttershy... who gestured behind her again, this time with both forehooves.

        "Sh-sh-sh-ship!" She squeaked, and a lightbulb flickered on over the unicorn's head.

        "Oh, SHIP! I didn't think you were that kind of pony, Fluttershy, but there's not much else to do out here."

        Leaning forward into what she now realised was a crude attempt at hugging, Twilight's lips closed around the yellow pegasus' muzzle, before twisting slightly and pushing forward.

        Watching the two fillies tenderly exploring each other's throats, Pinky Pie turned back to the multicoloured filly huddled on the deck.

        "Oh Dashie, the power of love will heal you!" The pink pony grinned broadly, lips parting to reveal an even pinker tongue. "Either you're coming up now, or I'm going down..."

        Watching the earth pony dive forward Applejack turned round to Rarity, shrugging slightly.

        "Ah suppose if you can't beat 'em, join 'em?"

        Distracted from her salt-encrusted coat and clothes, Rarity turned around with a wicked twinkle in her eye.

        "Oh, my DEAR Applejack. I DO believe that we can do both!"

        Before the orange pony had a chance to process theses words magic had hogtied her legs and gagged her with a piece of sopping wet cloth.

        "Who's a silly pony? YOU'RE a silly pony..."

        Balanced precariously across Rarity's legs, the filly gasped as she felt a stinging sense across her rump, before allowing herself to drift off into pleasure.

        Suddenly from far above there was a thunderous fanfare of trumpets, and the six looked up to see blue box descending from the heavens. Alighting gently on the deck of their makeshift raft, the doors flew open to reveal a finely proportioned stallion with grand wings of deepest green, with an equally impressive horn adorning his head.

        "It appears that Hardwood Deck has appeared just in time."

        He gave a knowing wink.

        "I see you were even nice enough to warm up without me!"

        The self-insert original character leapt out of the doors, gliding forward then landing gracefully amongst the enraptured fillies.

        That's the first draft of chapter two done! Well... not really. I wasn't really planning on making this a heavy shipping story (other than having the main cast on a boat), but everyone has a ship they HAVE to write, and this was mine. I'm sure there's a grimdark and sci-fi part itch that I'll need to scratch at some point too, but this is enough for now.

        To reiterate, this ISN'T chapter two, but just something I did for a giggle and thought I'd upload to see people's reactions. Hopefully positive, but you never know...

        ...and why the TARDIS? Well, it's clearly the sexiest of spacecraft. Although technically I suppose some of the Slannesh daemon-ships might fill that role.

        Anyway, onto the retcon!

        "But... but the fillies!" Hardwood looked through the fourth wall, suddenly aware that his plans were about to be changed.

        "Can't you write a bit more first? I mean... LOOK AT THEM!"

        I'm sorry Hardwood, but no. Not everyone in the fandom likes cloppy shippings, doubly so with O.C.'s, and triply so for Mary Sue's. Sorry mate, better luck next time eh?

        "PLEASE?! I mean... they're RIGHT THERE!!!!"

        The stallion was panicking, this was an opportunity of a lifetime and it was streaming past his amber eyes.

        No. Look, we've discussed this Hardwood. Your sole purpose is to enrage people with Mary Sue shipping, and possibly have a minor role in the main story. Oh, and you're also there so I can make a "all hands on Deck" pun, and feel terribly proud of myself. Which I need, after writing terrible cloppy shipping.

        "NO. I REFUSE! I WILL SHIP!"

        Really? Well, if that's the way you truly feel...

        Glad that he had put his foot down, Hardwood turned back around, and saw that Pinkie Pie was sauntering towards him. There was an odd look in her eyes though that sent shivers threw his spine.

        "Oh... HELLO Hardwood. I'm been wanting to meet you so VERY much."

        Twitch.

        "You're not here to try and take Dashie from me, are you? I mean... that would be MEAN!"

        Twitch.

        Nervous giggle.

        A curious looking implement appeared in her right forehoof, and she continued the advance as her eyes twisted to focus on something only she could see.

        Deck looked at it confused, and then cold realisation flooded through his body as thoughts on what the device was for crowded his mind.

        "OKAY! I'M SORRY! YOU'RE RIGHT! THE SHIPPING IDEA WAS TERRIBLE!"

        "Aww..."

        Twitch.

        "Can't you let him stay just a LITTLE bit longer?"

        But Deck was already through the TARDIS doors, his body shrinking to a normal foal's proportions with the wings and horn shrinking away to nothing. The time machine faded from existence as Pinky advanced, then disappeared with a haunting wail. Hmm... I wonder if I can somehow make the raft haunted by a whale? Oh puns, how I love thee.

        Right, everything here is canon, and Hardwood has now transformed himself into a normal foal and used the TARDIS to go back in time and put the plot back on track! Oh, and I think that's the RANDOM itch scratched suitably. Isn't that right Pinkie?

        The pink earth pony had by now returned to normal, and she shook her head up and down rapidly in agreement.

        "Yep!"

        Glad you agree.

Please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me... it was late, I was tired, and the less my brain functions the more I find myself hilarious. Unless I get an overwhelmingly positive response then this is a chapter unlikely to be repeated, although I was surprised to find that my editor thought it was worth uploading! Don’t take it out on him if it wasn’t...

        Same as last time, praise, fanmail, ego-strokings, constructive criticism and general comments can be directed to PineappleSkitter [at] Gmail [dot] com while those of you who like the editing can go to http://zmwilmot.com/books/ and buy books from him!

        Until chapter 3 then...

Pirates of the Equestrian Mane

Written by Pineapple Skitter

Edited by Morkskittar

Chapter 3: All hands on deck

        Seeing nothing behind her Twilight turned back, but the yellow pegasus continued to gesture emphatically at something behind her, now with both forehooves.

        "Sh-sh-sh-ship!" Fluttershy squeaked again, and something flickered on within the unicorn's head. It dawned on her that she should have seen waves, clouds or even the distant horizon in the distance, but all she could remember seeing was an empty black void.

        Twilight’s head snapped round again, and she blanched at the towering wooden structure that was bearing down on their makeshift craft. Her brain unable to fully process the recent series of events, the librarian just crouched down with her hooves wrapped tightly around her head and waited for the end to come crashing down.

        After several agonising minutes of not meeting an untimely demise, the unicorn peeked through a gap in her arms to see that the ship was now rolling gently in the storm tossed waves alongside the raft, and a cargo net was now unfurling down the hull of the large vessel.

        After a few urgent nuzzles from behind, Twilight staggered upright and slowly began ascending the grid of knotted rope. As she climbed she spotted earth ponies in odd clothes rappelling down the sides along thick ropes.

        Behind her Fluttershy began the climb too, eyes wide, watching for any sign that her friend might lose consciousness again and fall back into the hungry sea. The pegasus kept up a stream of encouragement to keep Twilight moving, occasionally checking behind her to make sure the others were climbing as well.

        Rarity crawled slowly up the netting that was dangling from the side of the ship, her hooves struggling to find a grip on the sodden rope. Pulling herself up the unicorn bit down on the next piece of rope, rewarded by the elements with the foul tang of brine in a muzzle that only allowed the highest quality foods to pass, and again scrambled up another few inches.

        Taking a brief moment to rest, she looked around to see how the others were doing. Above her she could see Twilight and Fluttershy’s rumps disappearing over the side onto the ship’s deck, dragged by several pairs of hooves, while down below she could catch glimpses of blue and orange blurs through the waves that kept pounding the side of the vessel.

        Even further down Rarity could dimly make out the odd movement as the crew from the vessel searched through their possessions.

        “The only things of value down there are my fabrics... oh, I DO hope they aren’t completely...”

        A particularly strong wave caught the fashionista by surprise, pounding her with salty water. She coughed and spluttered on the foul substance, wishing she was on deck with her companions. The sooner she was safe and dry she could try to whip up some sort of nautical attire for herself. Oh, and the others of course. It would have to be functional though. Perhaps she could use some of the cloth below once it had dried?

        Mind drifting off to a much more pleasant realm of fabrics, dyes, needles and gems, Rarity continued her steady ascent.

        “...and ‘ere I thought that THE Iron Pony could beat the net-climb 10 seconds flat? I dist’nctly remember you tellin’ me that when we last faced off. ”

        “I-I-I u-used my w-wings then... I... I c-can’t..”

        Applejack waited for Rainbow’s face to turn back to the hull before letting the worry show on her face. The normally rambunctious pegasus would have usually been soaring alongside, either helping her friends when they needed a bit of physical push, or goading them on with a sharp tongue if they looked like they were flagging.

        Instead, the cerulean pony was looking pale and frightened, shivering with more than just cold, although the biting winds and icy spray weren’t helping things. The earth pony knew that something must be up to keep the pegasus this quiet, but whatever it was it would have to wait until they were both warming up onboard. Some grub wouldn’t go amiss too.

        Applejack winced as for a brief moment as lack of concentration meant she leaned heavily on her injured leg, and clutched wildly for a better hoof-hold to take the weight off it. The spa had eased the tightness considerably, but a plunge into icy seas followed by ploughing through the waves to put her friends on the raft had left it aching unbearably.

        It didn’t help matters that her Pa’s hat had been stolen by the wind and waves. When she found some privacy she would grieve in peace, but for the moment not falling back and drowning were a higher priority.

        Hardwood admired his reflection in the sodden mast for a moment, admiring the tricorne that perched on his handsome face, before realising that the hat was actually residing on the head of the pony looming ominously behind him.

        The dark-green earth pony span around, holding his mop to attention, and stared into the crimson eyes of the fearsome mare glaring at him.

        “Hmm... so it turns out you aren’t COMPLETEY useless... you may not have brought us to our goal,” the captain gestured at the image of a sextant that marked his hindquarters, “but you did spot some more grist for the diamond-dog mines! They’ll pay handsomely for these fine specimens. Get this deck clean enough to eat a meal off of, and I’ll let that lashing I had planned for you slide.”

        “Yes Ma’am! I am honoured by your compassion and mercy!”

        The mare snorted, turning back to see the fifth and final of the ponies being hauled onboard by a couple of deckhands, while Hardwood relaxed and went back to swabbing the deck. The heavy rain made his job easier, but it also bit to the bone. As he cleaned the stallion kept an eye on the captain speaking to the new ponies. Nothing quite brightened his mood like a little schadenfreude.

        Like the rest of the crew on duty, he grinned as the unicorn tried to perform some sort of spell, and broke into snickers as a solitary white spark fizzled into existence before being caught and tossed overboard by the wind.

        Most of the assembled sailor ponies managed to keep a straight face, but when the blue pegasus attempted to take flight by running forwards and instead faceplanted into the deck before her, only a handful present could keep on their hooves, while the rest fell about in hysterics.

        Hardwood propped himself up with the mop, his sides hurting from mirth that he was failing to suppress. Giggling as the captain ordered the ponies to be dragged to the brig while laying into the nearest crewmembers for not performing their duties, he forced himself back to cleaning.

        Stormbreaker let the wind snap and tear at her unkempt inky mane, letting the weather know that while it could ruffle her coat it could never move her from the “Fool’s Gold”, the fearsome Galleon she had been hired to command.

        The privateer grinned, sure that nopony could see her. She should be furious with the crew’s lack of discipline, but thoughts of the tidy sum the “cargo” now stored down below would fetch kept her mood buoyant. Oh, and if their antics had been anything to go by, they would likely keep the crew amused and in high spirits for the rest of the trip.

        Still, she had to restore some semblance of order to the sorry bunch of ponies that called themselves a crew. They weren’t the only ship in these waters, and that raft would have to have come from somewhere.

        “Right you sons and daughters of fillies, get yer hindquarters into gear and take the reefs out of the sail. We want to make the most of these ‘ere winds! Now then, where has...”

        She was interrupted by a pink shadow that blurred up from the side of the ship and landed cat-like on four hooves.

        “HALT! Foul demon-creatures! I am the pink darkness, here to reclaim my friends and return the land of joy and peace.”

        The captain blinked, unsure of what to make of this newcomer. The pony was wrapped in tight bands of jet-black cloth, blending perfectly into the surroundings despite the fuzzy pink mane and tail that poked out from beneath.

        “It’s a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my friends to defeat the enemies!”

        There was something unsettling about the way the pony spoke though, but Stormbreaker couldn’t quite decide if it was the harsh, guttural accent that in no-way matched the pony’s feminine mouth shape, or the way in which the words seemed to work their way into her mind independently of the pony’s jaw movements beneath the cloth.

        “You shall prepare yourself water-pony! Taste my katana’s biting edge!”

        In another blur of movement the pink-haired creature had a large steel blade drawn and clamped between her teeth, despite the sword being preposterously long. The captain had barely enough time to draw her own sword to ward off the blow before it separated head from shoulders.

        “Ha! Ha! Ha! You fight with a cutlass? That is not a warrior’s weapon, that is a pira...”

        The pony halted suddenly, moving only occasionally to deflect Stormbreaker’s thrusts, staring at the cutlass. Then staring at the ship beneath her hooves, then the sea that stretched in every direction, and then at the black flag flapping on the mast high above. Still deflecting the rain of ineffectual blows, the pony cast her mind back to a time just before she jumped into a puddle.

        Stepping sharply backwards, the figure spat the sword out and spoke again. Her voice had jumped several octaves, and Stormbreaker swore that she could taste the sugar in the syrupy tones.

        “Oh, silly me, it was eyebrow SHUFFLE, not wiggle. I brought the wrong costume, and I don’t think I have achange with me...”

        The black-clad pony looked downcast for a moment, and then brightened.

        “I know!”

        She then galloped back to the side of the ship, and dived off the edge into the water below.

        Stormbreaker shuddered with anger... NOPONY made a foal out of her and lived to tell the tail. Tale. The captain shook herself to clear her head before getting back to hollering at the crew.

        “Get those sails sorted you lollygaggers! I’ll end that pink menace the next time she shows her frilly little...” the captain was interrupted by a sharp tap on her shoulder, and whirled round ready to unleash seven hells on the fool that thought they could lay a finger on a captain. Behind her was the black-clad figure again, now dripping wet.

        “Sorry cap’in, almost forgot... I’m a frighteningly forgetful forgetter at times. Forgive me? Anyway, duel at noon tomorrow!”

        Before the captain had a chance to respond, the pony was leaping over the opposite side of the boat, departing with a loud “Yargh!” followed by the sound of a second splash.

        *Gasp* 4+ stars!? That’s higher than I was expecting, so I thought I’d be a nice gentlecolt and churn out another chapter. This is easily the longest story I’ve written so far, and breaking the 5000 words barrier makes me a happy little brony.

        Anyway, comment, rate, purchase editor’s books from http://zmwilmot.com/books/ and generally stay cool!